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Hello, December.

November ending means only one thing for me: I am unsuccessful for NaNoWriMo. It also means time passing by too fast and watching the whole year flash in front of me, as I stand in nothingness. The thought of the year ending still hasn't sunk in, I feel like I'm falling backwards. The world is moving on too fast and I can't keep up with it. It's sad how I don't think I ever will.

I saw November pass by and felt nothing. I am nothing but meaningless words and dry lips, an empty shadow and unbearable thoughts. Maybe I was falling, and I shall keep falling into oblivion, watch myself crash desperately, like waves upon a rocky shore. Maybe I was dreaming, and I shall keep dreaming a lie, feel myself wake up in a different morning, in a different sunrise. I found myself clinging unto hope, a light that was promised, a fantasy that was shared and ignored as all the colors of the world came together. The red and greens of the trees, the pink and purple of the setting sky, the orange glow of the sun. I was watching the world move slowly, I was watching it kill me and I couldn’t scream. Somewhere in the realm of curled toes and thick eyelashes, my voice was lost. November passed by and I felt nothing. I was a tragedy of meaningless words and dry lips, an empty shadow and unbearable thoughts.

I've finally finished my story. I stayed up all night writing it, which is not really new. I've come in terms with the fact that my mind works better when I've had too much caffeine and not enough sleep. I had the sudden urge to say all the words I have in my chest and the thoughts flooding in my head that made me finish everything in one go. I'm still a bit too drained to do some editing. Perhaps I could post it some other time.

PS. I'd like to congratulate all those who won in NaNoWrimo! I know you are all pleased with yourselves and you really should be. Writing 50,000 words in a month is a grand achievement. <3

PSS. Carolers, lights, red velvet cakes, and brightly wrapped presents. I see them everywhere. I can slowly feel the Christmas spirit and I hope you do, too. Have a lovely December, everyone. =)

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